Friday, December 20, 2013

Romance and Holidating

For many people, the holidays are a time for family, travel, gifts, food, stress -- and romance (for better or for worse). Mid-December through mid-February is considered a peak period for online dating, said Justin Garcia, scientific advisor for the international online dating site and faculty member at Indiana University's Kinsey Institute and Department of Gender Studies. In a survey of 1,000 clients, 82 percent reported that the holidays make them feel more romantic than other times of the year. In the same study, a quarter of respondents reported experiencing a break-up during the holiday season. "The holidays can be a really stressful time in terms of trying to start new relationships and also getting out of previous relationships," Garcia said. "If we think of what happens with many Americans this time of year, we're traveling, we're spending more money, we're often getting to see family and friends. As much as this can bring a lot of joy and excitement, it can also bring a lot of stress. This combination can be tricky to navigate." Garcia, an evolutionary biologist, is one of the principal investigators for's annual Singles in America study, the largest study on U.S. singles, drawn not from those on the dating site but from a nationally representative sample. He offers these insights about dating, drawn from the 2012 round of Singles in America and the survey of 1,000 clients: Holidating The survey of 1,000 people found that 14 percent of men and 10 percent of women admitted to dating someone during the holidays just to have someone to spend the holidays with. Garcia said that inevitably, many singles are grilled over the holidays about their solitary status. "This is unique to humans," he said. "No other animals on the planet are so involved with the mating habits of kin as humans are." *The Internet trumps bars as a place to meet men and women. A historically unprecedented number of single Americans is now turning to the Internet to find love: More than a quarter of singles (27.5 percent) reported that they have dated someone they met online. "Online" includes social media sites, such as Facebook, and chat groups, with the rate dropping to about 21 percent when restricted to online dating sites. Twenty percent of singles met their most recent first date online vs. 7 percent who met at a bar. *Peak season. The peak online dating season is during the holidays, between December and February, when sees a 25 to 30 percent increase in new members registering. *Second looks can pay off. Thirty-five percent of singles have fallen in love with someone they were not initially attracted to. Of these people, 71 percent became smitten after having great conversations or finding shared interests or both. Garcia said online dating has the benefit of making people aware of singles living near them, in their area or within their search radius. The dating sites provide so many options, however, that it can seem overly complicated. He suggests customers spend some time beforehand thinking about what they want in a relationship and how they can communicate this to their dates. "It's good to have a priority, as is true of so many things," he said. "With online dating, think about what you want. If you're looking for a spouse, it could be more complicated. Love and a spouse come after, with time. Online dating is about dating. There could be many people who you date. Some work out and some don't. But it's meant to be fun. People often want to jump a step." Garcia’s research interests include evolutionary and biocultural models of human behavior, romantic love and intimate relationships, sexual and social monogamy, and uncommitted sex and hook-up culture in emerging adulthood.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Fear of being single leads people to settle for less in relationships

Fear of being single is a meaningful predictor of settling for less in relationships among both men and women, a new University of Toronto study has found. The results are published in the December edition of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. “Those with stronger fears about being single are willing to settle for less in their relationships,” says lead author Stephanie Spielmann, postdoctoral researcher in the University of Toronto’s Department of Psychology. “Sometimes they stay in relationships they aren’t happy in, and sometimes they want to date people who aren’t very good for them.” She adds, “Now we understand that people’s anxieties about being single seem to play a key role in these types of unhealthy relationship behaviours.” Investigators surveyed several samples of North American adults, consisting of University of Toronto undergraduates and community members from Canada and the U.S. The samples included a wide range of ages. “In our results we see men and women having similar concerns about being single, which lead to similar coping behaviours, contradicting the idea that only women struggle with a fear of being single,” says co-author, Professor Geoff MacDonald of the University of Toronto’s Department of Psychology. “Loneliness is a painful experience for both men and women, so it’s not surprising that the fear of being single seems not to discriminate on the basis of gender.”